A Cow Story

My heart raced with anticipation as I watch the old farm owner slowly make their way inside. It was late in the fall and their harvest was nearly done. Yet what they had not realized was that I was sent here to shut them down. Permanently.

A few weeks back, a rival barn owner had their crops flooded. The rains had not been overly heavy yet his entire season was ruined with water. He could not figure out the cause of this curse until he realized the source was from the irrigation system uphill on the oldest farmers land. It seems he had become absent minded in his old age and a leak in his system caused a massive flood to overtake his neighbor.

Bad news, as the farming out here was already tough.

I was nothing special on the outside, simply a strapping young farm hand who seemed to get his work done in a faster than usual pace. Many people revered me. Yet few knew my true nature.

The guild of farmland assassins is an organization I formed after the death of my parents. My old neighbor sought to use this as a chance to strong arm a young grieving child out of his land and use it for himself. The rage that built up inside of me caused me to find a clever way to dispose of him. He was manure for my crops that year.

Once whispers got out, I was being hired for all kinds of mishap. Yet I was only very rarely called on to murder. Major land disputes would ignite burning hatred in people. Money in my pocket, as it were.

After everything, this was the craziest job I’ve been on. The flooded fields seems like an accident, but my client wanted to make this old man suffer before being forced out of his own land. I guess if he’s going to go down, he’ll take someone with him. Permanently. My hands were steady as ever. I had long since sacrificed my moral compass. My father will likely never want to be with me in the afterlife, but I figure I’ll sort that mess out when it comes.

The old man finally got inside and was beginning to rest on his chair when I began to move. If I could get into the upstairs undetected, he would have no idea I was there before he passed. I was clean when I could be, left no clues when it came to avoiding the police.

After a slow approach, I began to climb the siding of his house. These old farmhouses were almost like ladders they were so easy to climb. As I lifted the window, I heard the most distinct noise.


Evidently, one of the cows had caught a glimpse of me and let out a loud cry. Unique creatures, they were. I paid no mind and slipped into the bedroom.

After hours of waiting, the old man finally made his way upstairs. His face was more relaxed and his arms hung to his sides. I guess the rest in the chair really worked it’s magic and now he was able to fully appreciate his day’s work. As he sat on his bed, he reached into his night stand.

“I really do have to thank Mable for this…”

Before I could react, the old man spun around and shot an entire clip into the closet where I was tucked away. I fell forward, shocked at my being discovered. My gut began to clench in obvious pain and I knew this was it.

The old man slowly walked over. His smug smirk would be one of the last things I’d ever see.

“Mable is the best cow I’ve ever raised. Yet there is always something off about her. She tends to get vocal when strangers are in sight. Odd that you’d end up here. I suppose that little man down the way couldn’t get over the leak I staged. I suppose not everyone is cut out to be here.”

He knelt down and pointed the gun in my face.

“In order to survive out here, you need to know your land better than anyone else. You need to know your neighbors, too. I suppose that’s the end of your assassinating days. It’s the people’s justice out here. I’ll bury you right beside Mable’s pen just in case you decide to come back from the dead to seek vengeance. Maybe she’ll catch your ass twice.”

I suppose he did like to ramble. Without much hesitation, he lifted his pistol to my head. I had long since stopped listening to what he was saying, as I knew it wouldn’t matter soon.

The farming world is one I got to know all too well. I suppose I had better think of a good reason to tell pa I didn’t finish the chores. He’ll be quite upset with me.


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